You Can’t Actually Become an Extrovert (And That’s Good News)

No, you cannot turn into an extrovert. Your personality type is wired into how your brain processes stimulation and recovers energy, and no amount of forcing yourself into social situations will rewire that fundamental architecture. What you can do, and what actually matters, is learn to act with confidence and connection in social settings without betraying who you are.

Reddit threads on this topic tend to fall into two camps: people desperately trying to become someone else, and people who’ve figured out that the goal was wrong all along. Having spent more than two decades running advertising agencies, I lived in that first camp for a long time before I found my way to the second.

If you’ve landed here from a Reddit search, you’re probably carrying some version of the same frustration I carried for years. Social situations feel draining. Networking events feel like endurance tests. You watch extroverts work a room and wonder why that seems so effortless for them and so exhausting for you. And somewhere along the way, someone told you that you need to “just put yourself out there more.” So you started wondering if you could somehow flip a switch and become a different kind of person entirely.

Before we get into what’s actually possible, and what’s worth pursuing, it helps to understand the full landscape of personality types. Our Introversion vs Extroversion hub covers the spectrum in depth, from the clearest definitions to the most nuanced in-between categories. What follows builds on that foundation with something more specific: what to do when you’re an introvert who wants to show up better in an extroverted world, without pretending to be someone you’re not.

Why Do So Many Introverts Ask This Question in the First Place?

The question “how do I become an extrovert” shows up constantly on Reddit, and I don’t think it’s really about wanting to be extroverted. Most people asking it are actually asking something else: How do I stop feeling left out? How do I advance in my career without performing a personality I don’t have? How do I connect with people without feeling completely depleted afterward?

Those are legitimate questions. They deserve real answers. And they’re very different from “how do I rewire my nervous system.”

Early in my agency career, I thought the answer was performance. I watched extroverted colleagues command rooms, crack jokes at the right moment, and build client relationships over long dinners and loud bars. I mimicked what I could. I pushed myself to speak up more in meetings, stay later at events, be more visibly enthusiastic. And I got decent at it, in short bursts. But the cost was real. After a full day of performing extroversion, I’d come home and need hours of silence just to feel like myself again. I thought something was wrong with me.

What was actually happening is that I was confusing two very different things: the ability to act extroverted in specific contexts, and actually being extroverted. The first is a learnable skill. The second is a neurological reality you were born with.

To understand why, it helps to be clear on what extroversion actually means at its core. What it means to be extroverted goes beyond just being outgoing or talkative. It describes how someone’s nervous system responds to external stimulation. Extroverts are energized by it. Introverts are drained by it. That’s the actual difference, and it’s not a preference you can choose to override.

What Reddit Gets Right (and Wrong) About Changing Your Personality

Spend an hour in any Reddit thread about introversion and extroversion and you’ll find a fascinating mix of genuine insight and well-meaning bad advice. Some of the most upvoted responses are genuinely helpful: people sharing how they built social confidence through practice, how they learned to read social situations better, how they stopped apologizing for needing alone time. That’s real and useful.

Yet the threads also contain a persistent undercurrent of the idea that introversion is a problem to be solved. That if you just push through discomfort enough times, you’ll eventually become someone who doesn’t need that recovery time. That’s not how it works.

Personality traits do show some flexibility over a lifetime. People tend to become somewhat more socially confident as they age and accumulate experience. Introverts can develop strong social skills. But the underlying energy dynamic, the way your nervous system responds to stimulation, remains remarkably consistent. What changes is your relationship to it and your ability to work with it rather than against it.

One thing Reddit discussions often miss is the distinction between where someone falls on the spectrum. Not all introverts are the same. There’s a meaningful difference between being fairly introverted versus extremely introverted, and that distinction matters when you’re deciding what kind of growth is realistic and what kind of expectations are just setting you up for frustration.

Someone who sits at a mild introvert level might genuinely find that consistent social practice shifts their experience significantly. Someone at the far end of the introversion spectrum might find that same practice exhausting in a way that never fully normalizes. Both experiences are valid. Both people deserve strategies that fit their actual wiring, not a generic “just do it more” prescription.

Are You Actually an Introvert, or Something More Complex?

Before deciding you need to “become an extrovert,” it’s worth making sure you actually understand where you fall on the personality spectrum. A lot of people assume they’re introverts because they feel drained after certain social situations, without realizing that some social contexts energize them and others drain them. That pattern might not be introversion at all.

There are personality types that don’t fit neatly into the introvert or extrovert box. An ambivert sits comfortably in the middle, drawing energy from both social interaction and solitude depending on context. An omnivert swings more dramatically between the two states, sometimes craving intense social connection and other times needing complete isolation. These are different experiences with different implications. Understanding the distinction between omnivert and ambivert can genuinely clarify why your social energy feels inconsistent.

There’s also a category sometimes called “otrovert” that describes people who present as extroverted in behavior but have an introverted internal experience. If you’ve ever been told you “seem like an extrovert” while privately feeling completely drained, that framing might resonate. The comparison between otrovert and ambivert tendencies is worth exploring if you feel caught between the two worlds.

The most honest starting point is to actually test yourself rather than assume. An introvert, extrovert, ambivert, and omnivert test can give you a clearer picture of where you actually land, which changes the entire conversation about what you should be working toward.

I’ve had people on my agency teams who thought they were strong introverts and were surprised to discover they were ambiverts who had simply been placed in consistently draining environments. Changing the environment, not the person, made all the difference.

What You Can Actually Change (And What You Can’t)

There’s a useful framework I developed over years of managing teams and running client relationships as an INTJ: separate what’s fixed from what’s flexible.

Fixed: your fundamental energy source. Whether you recharge through solitude or through social interaction is not something you can change through willpower or practice. It’s neurological. Attempting to override it indefinitely leads to burnout, not transformation.

Flexible: almost everything else. Social skills are learnable. Confidence in conversation is buildable. Your ability to read a room, hold someone’s attention, tell a compelling story, ask questions that make people feel genuinely heard, all of that can be developed regardless of your introversion level.

One of the most significant shifts in my career came when I stopped trying to match the social style of extroverted agency leaders and started leaning into what I actually did well. I’m a listener. I notice things. I remember details from conversations months later. Clients found that remarkable. Not because it was a performance, but because it was genuinely who I am as an INTJ. The depth of attention I gave to every client relationship wasn’t a consolation prize for not being the loudest person in the room. It was a competitive advantage.

A piece in Psychology Today on the value of deeper conversations captures something I witnessed repeatedly in client work: people don’t remember the person who talked the most at a meeting. They remember the person who made them feel genuinely understood. That’s a skill introverts are often naturally inclined toward, but it still requires conscious development.

What does that development look like practically? It means learning to prepare for social situations rather than dreading them. It means identifying the specific contexts where you feel most capable and building from there. It means understanding that social skill is a practice, not a personality trait.

The Career Pressure That Makes Introverts Want to Change

A lot of the Reddit posts asking how to become extroverted are really career anxiety in disguise. The person asking has been told, directly or indirectly, that their introverted style is holding them back. Maybe they got passed over for a promotion. Maybe their manager keeps pushing them to “be more visible.” Maybe they work in sales or client services and feel like the job description was written for someone else entirely.

That pressure is real. I felt it for years. Running an agency means constant client contact, pitching new business, managing teams, attending industry events. Every one of those activities can be done well by an introvert. None of them require you to become an extrovert. But they do require you to develop specific skills that don’t come automatically to people who prefer depth over breadth in social interaction.

An analysis from Harvard’s Program on Negotiation makes a point that surprised many people when it circulated: introverts are not inherently disadvantaged in negotiation. Their tendency toward careful preparation, patient listening, and measured response can be genuine strengths in high-stakes conversations. The disadvantage only appears when introverts try to negotiate like extroverts instead of playing to their own strengths.

That principle applies across career contexts. The introvert who tries to out-extrovert the extroverts will exhaust themselves and underperform. The introvert who figures out how to bring their natural strengths to the table in ways the environment can recognize will often outperform expectations.

Even in fields that seem inherently extroverted, like marketing, the picture is more nuanced than it appears. Rasmussen University’s breakdown of marketing for introverts points to how introverted strengths like analytical thinking, written communication, and deep research translate directly into effective marketing practice. The field needs introverts. It just doesn’t always make that obvious from the outside.

What “Acting More Extroverted” Actually Looks Like in Practice

Here’s where I want to be genuinely practical, because I think a lot of introvert advice stops at “embrace who you are” without giving you anything to actually do differently.

Acting more extroverted, in the healthy sense, means expanding your behavioral range without abandoning your energy management. It means being able to bring warmth, engagement, and presence to social situations even when those situations don’t come naturally. And it means doing that strategically rather than constantly.

Some specific things that worked for me over two decades of client-facing agency work:

Preparation as a substitute for spontaneity. Extroverts often shine in unstructured social situations because they’re energized by the unpredictability. Introverts can compensate by preparing more thoroughly. Before a networking event, I’d research who would be there and think of two or three genuine questions I could ask specific people. That preparation made conversations feel less like improvised performance and more like genuine exchange.

Depth as a social strategy. Rather than trying to work a room and have brief exchanges with twenty people, I’d aim for two or three real conversations. People remembered those interactions. They didn’t remember the person who handed them a business card and moved on. Playing to your introvert strengths in social situations isn’t a workaround. It’s a better approach.

Recovery as a non-negotiable. The years when I tried hardest to perform extroversion were also the years when I was most consistently depleted. Once I started treating recovery time as a genuine professional requirement rather than a personal indulgence, my performance in social situations actually improved. You can’t sustain presence when you’re running on empty.

If you’re wondering whether you might actually have some introverted extrovert tendencies rather than pure introversion, the introverted extrovert quiz can help you figure out where you actually sit. Many people who think they need to “become extroverted” are already more socially capable than they realize. They just need permission to show up on their own terms.

The Conflict Between Introvert Needs and Extroverted Environments

Some of the most honest Reddit threads on this topic acknowledge something that gets glossed over in more optimistic takes: certain environments are genuinely hostile to introverted ways of being. Open-plan offices. Cultures that reward visibility over substance. Leadership models built entirely around charisma and social dominance. These aren’t just preferences. They’re structural realities that create real friction for introverts.

That friction doesn’t mean you need to change who you are. It might mean you need to change your environment, or develop specific skills for managing conflict and misalignment when your working style clashes with the culture around you. A framework from Psychology Today on introvert-extrovert conflict resolution offers a practical approach to those moments without requiring either party to abandon their fundamental nature.

One of the hardest conversations I had as an agency leader was with a senior account manager who was brilliant at strategy and completely depleted by the constant client contact her role required. She had convinced herself she needed to “become more extroverted” to succeed. What she actually needed was a restructured role that played to her analytical strengths and reduced the volume of high-stimulation interactions. We made that adjustment. Her performance improved significantly. She didn’t change her personality. We changed how her work was structured.

Not everyone has the leverage to restructure their role. But most people have more flexibility than they think to negotiate how they show up, what responsibilities they emphasize, and what environments they put themselves in.

What Personality Science Actually Tells Us About Introversion and Change

Personality research consistently finds that the Big Five traits, which include the introversion-extroversion dimension, are among the most stable aspects of human psychology across a lifetime. They’re influenced by genetics, early environment, and neurological factors that don’t respond to simple behavioral intervention.

That said, the picture isn’t completely static. A paper published in PMC’s archives on personality trait development suggests that while core traits remain stable, the behavioral expressions of those traits can shift meaningfully with age and experience. An introvert at 22 and the same person at 45 may have very different social skill sets, even if their fundamental energy orientation hasn’t changed.

Additional work published in PMC on personality and social behavior reinforces that the relationship between personality traits and social behavior is more complex than a simple cause-and-effect. Introverts who develop strong social skills don’t become extroverts. They become introverts with a wider behavioral range.

That distinction matters enormously. Widening your behavioral range is achievable and genuinely valuable. Changing your fundamental personality type is not a realistic goal, and pursuing it will cost you far more than it delivers.

There’s also a broader dimension worth considering. Some introverts carry sensory or emotional sensitivity that intersects with their introversion in ways that make certain social environments particularly demanding. Research published in Frontiers in Psychology on sensitivity and personality explores how high sensitivity interacts with introversion, which helps explain why some introverts find social exhaustion more acute than others. If that resonates with your experience, it’s worth understanding rather than just pushing through.

The Real Goal: Confidence, Not Conversion

After everything I’ve seen in two decades of agency leadership, and everything I’ve learned in the years since about what introversion actually is and isn’t, I’ve arrived at a simple reframe for the original question.

You don’t want to become an extrovert. You want to feel confident. You want to connect meaningfully with people. You want to advance in your career without exhausting yourself. You want to walk into a room and not feel like you’re at a disadvantage before you’ve said a word.

All of that is achievable without changing your fundamental nature. It requires understanding yourself clearly, building specific skills deliberately, managing your energy honestly, and finding or creating environments that allow your strengths to show.

The introverts I’ve watched struggle most are the ones who spent their energy trying to be someone else. The ones who thrived, including me, eventually, are the ones who got curious about what they actually brought to the table and figured out how to make that visible.

Reddit will keep generating threads asking how to become an extrovert. The honest answer, the one that actually helps, is that the question itself needs reframing. And once you reframe it, the path forward gets a lot clearer.

There’s much more to explore about how introversion and extroversion interact across different life contexts. The full Introversion vs Extroversion hub covers everything from the science of personality types to practical strategies for ambiverts, omniverts, and everyone in between.

About the Author

Keith Lacy is an introvert who’s learned to embrace his true self later in life. After 20 years in advertising and marketing leadership, including running agencies and managing Fortune 500 accounts, Keith now channels his experience into helping fellow introverts understand their strengths and build fulfilling careers. As an INTJ, he brings analytical depth and authentic perspective to every article, drawing from both professional expertise and personal growth.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can an introvert actually become an extrovert?

No. Your introversion or extroversion reflects how your nervous system responds to stimulation and recovers energy, and that underlying orientation doesn’t change through practice or willpower. What can change is your behavioral range. Introverts can develop strong social skills, build confidence in group settings, and become highly effective in roles that require frequent social interaction. They do all of that while remaining introverts who need solitude to recharge.

Why do so many people on Reddit want to become extroverts?

Most people asking this question are actually seeking something more specific: social confidence, career advancement, easier connection with others, or relief from the feeling that their personality is holding them back. The desire to “become extroverted” is usually a proxy for wanting to feel less limited. Once you separate those underlying goals from the idea of changing your personality type, more realistic and effective strategies become available.

Is there a personality type between introvert and extrovert?

Yes. Ambiverts sit in the middle of the introversion-extroversion spectrum and draw energy from both social interaction and solitude depending on context. Omniverts experience more dramatic swings between needing intense social connection and needing complete isolation. Many people who believe they’re introverts are actually ambiverts who have been placed in consistently draining environments. Taking a personality spectrum test can clarify where you actually fall.

What can introverts actually change about their social behavior?

Quite a lot. Social skills, conversational confidence, the ability to read social situations, comfort with public speaking, and skill at building relationships are all learnable regardless of personality type. What introverts cannot change is their need for recovery time after extended social engagement. The most effective approach treats social skill development and energy management as equally important, rather than pushing through exhaustion in pursuit of a social stamina that will never arrive.

Does introversion hold you back in your career?

Not inherently. Introversion brings genuine strengths to professional settings: depth of focus, careful preparation, strong listening, and the ability to build meaningful one-on-one relationships. These qualities are valuable across a wide range of careers. The challenge arises when introverts try to succeed by mimicking extroverted styles rather than developing their own. Introverts who learn to play to their natural strengths while building specific skills for high-stimulation situations tend to perform well and sustain that performance over time.